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Whether you’re a new mom or you’ve been around the block a couple of times, we’ve all had to learn how to deal with mom guilt and self-doubt.
As moms, we have a strongly driven sense of responsibility towards our children and their physical and mental well-being while at the same time, wanting to prioritise our own well-being and personal development as well.
Often, this can lead to feelings of guilt and self-doubt when we feel like we’re not living up to both our own, and society’s expectations of what a “good” mom should be.
These feelings can be especially exaggerated in the age of social media, where it seems like everyone else’s motherhood journey is perfect and effortless when in reality, it’s not!
If, like so many other moms, you’re struggling with these emotions, it’s important to remember that no one is perfect and it’s okay to make mistakes.
We are unreasonably harsh with ourselves and I think we need more moms speaking out about how difficult it is to truly find that healthy balance between caring for your family, but also caring for yourself as well.
My all time favourite mom quote says, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”.
And that is so true… We need to show ourselves the same level of patience and compassion as we would to the rest of our family and recognise that we have one of the hardest jobs in the world!
We can’t properly look after everyone around us if we’re burnt out, stressed, anxious or depressed. Being a mom is a superpower, but at the end of the day, we’re only human.
If you’ve been feeling guilty or struggling with self-doubt, here are a few ways to help you deal with it in a healthy way:
Recognize and acknowledge that you are doing your very best
It’s easy to compare ourselves to other mothers or to societal expectations of what motherhood should look like. But in reality, every individual and every household have their own challenges and circumstances that need to be considered.
Try to stay focused on your truth and the things that you feel you’re doing well as a mother. You know how much you love your kids and you know how much time and effort you’re putting into their well-being so give yourself credit where credit is due.
Seek support from your community
Before I touch on this, I want to be clear that it’s important to understand the difference between turning TO other mothers for support, or looking AT other mothers and their seemingly perfect lives.
Social media is both a blessing and curse for moms especially when realities aren’t being portrayed truthfully.
So the next time that you’re feeling guilty, stressed or like you’re not doing enough, reach out to other moms and start a meaningful conversation.
You’ll soon realise that you’re not alone in your struggles and that while their lives may seem perfect, every mom has difficulty with finding balance in their lives.
If you find it difficult to get that level of support in the online space, you could see if your community has a local mom group to join.
Practice self-compassion
I feel like I preach this a lot, but rightfully so! You have to be more kind to yourself and remember that you are only human.
In motherhood, you are going to make mistakes, and that’s completely normal.
It’s not about being perfect all the time, it’s about making those mistakes and then treating yourself with the same level of compassion and respect that you would your loved ones and to ask for help where you need it.
With motherhood, there are new challenges around each and every turn. Try to adopt a more positive mindset where you acknowledge your mistakes or short comings, but you also understand that it’s a learning curve for you and you’re doing the best that you can.
Set realistic expectations
We all have our own personal dreams and aspirations that exist outside the realm of motherhood.
While it is incredibly important to have those goals and aspirations, we need to manage our time and expectations so that we know what we can accomplish without feeling guilty about possibly neglecting our family and loved ones.
Set your priorities in terms everything that needs to be done at home, at work and most importantly for your children, but then find those pockets of time where you can focus solely on yourself and your dreams, guilt-free.
Self-care
Take care of yourself first, and it will be easier to take care of those around you.
As mentioned above, you have to have your own dreams, hobbies, and aspirations and you have to make time to look after both your physical and mental well-being.
It’s not selfish to make time for yourself, in fact it’s a necessity for a healthy balance at home.
You’re also setting a very positive example to your children and teaching them importance of self-care too.
If you’re struggling to find space and time for yourself, here are a few practical ways to manage your time more efficiently.
Seek professional help if needed.
If you feel overwhelmed or distressed, whether it’s related to parenting or anything else for that matter, it’s always beneficial to look for professional support.
Don’t feel like you’re failing if you can’t keep up with day-to-day life and don’t struggle in silence or alone.
There are trained professionals who can equip you with strategies and methods to help you manage your mental well-being and in extreme cases may be able to offer medication if needed.
Society has become much more accepting and understanding of the mental load that mothers carry and there is help out there if you need it.
Mom guilt and self-doubt are emotions that so many mothers face.
Please remember that no one is perfect, motherhood has it’s ups and downs, and making mistakes is acceptable and normal to do.
Be kind and compassionate to yourself and reach out to your community if you feel like you need support.
Remember, you are doing the best for your children, and that’s all that matters.