This post may contain affiliate links. Disclosure here.
When I called the GP this morning to discuss my lack of focus and productivity, I did not expect to hear the words stress management tools to come out of her mouth. Maybe to some this might seem obvious, but I was sure there was something more deep rooted that needed attention.
Since the birth of my daughter I have struggled so much with anxiety and my mental well-being, and after going through 6 weeks of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, I found myself back to square one after only a few short months.
This led me to believe that there has to be something more serious and I’ve even considered that I may have undiagnosed ADHD. In hind-sight, this could be from watching waaayyy too many TikToks, however, I felt frustrated enough to call the GP and ask for some advice.
Now don’t get me wrong, I whole-heartedly agree with what the Dr said, but it was a wake up call for me because all it came down to was prioritising myself and making time to tackle my stress levels. No medication and diagnosis for me, just some good old, exercising, meditation, and getting fresh air.
So, having been told that stress, productivity and brain functionality are all linked to one another, I’ve come up with a few easy things that can help with stress management for busy moms. Because while everyone struggles with stress and anxiety, I think moms have a particularly heavy mental load and we don’t always have the time or means to focus on these things.
If you’re anything like me, the following thoughts have definitely run through your head:
- I see people out jogging in the morning and sure, that looks great, but I can’t do it with a toddler strapped to my back.
- Meditation, fantastic, when you don’t have toys being chucked at your head.
- Going to the gym? Sure, why not. I can squeeze it in somewhere between dinner time, bath time, bed time routine and cleaning the house.
- Oh and I can’t forget having to go to work, making time for socialising and spending quality time with my partner.
And can you imagine having to cope with all these things if you were a single parent?
While all these may seem relatable and like valid arguments, I think it’s time for us to face the music. Making time for ourselves and prioritising our mental and physical well-being may seem like another task added to a very long list of things that need to be done, but as challenging as it’s going to be, it’s an absolute necessity.
If we don’t start looking after ourselves, we’ll be heading straight for a mental-breakdown and then we’d be of no use to anyone. In order for us to be present parents, manage household tasks, and take on the corporate ladder, we need to bite the bullet and stop making excuses.
Through perseverance and dedication to ourselves it will benefit us in the long run. And I say “us” because I’m right there with you. I’ve tried time and time again to incorporate all of the following stress management tools into my life, but I always push them right to the bottom of my priorities list when in actual fact, it should be right at the top.
What I’ve come to realise is that it’s a massive mindset shift from, “my children and household are top priority” to “I am top priority, because if I don’t look after myself, I can’t look after them”.
Use routine and structure to reduce your stress and mental load
There are a thousand excuses under the sun for why we don’t have time for ourselves, but here’s the thing. Rather than make excuses, we need to plan and structure the things that are important to us. Not the kids, not our partners, not our careers.
Where we lack the time for ourselves, something else has to give and by analysing where we spend most of our time, we should be able to make the necessary changes to create time and space for ourselves.
A great place to start is to understand exactly how long it takes to do certain tasks, especially household chores. Cleaning the kitchen at the end of the day may feel like it’s taking hours, but have you timed it? I have, and it turns out that doing the dishes, wiping down the counters and hoovering the floors takes me no more than 30 minutes. If I had a dishwasher this would probably take half the time but that’s a battle for another day…
Planning meals ahead of time or scheduling grocery deliveries or collections can free up hours if done right. My new favourite stress management trick is to order my groceries online and rather than spending an hour in the grocery store, I simply go out and spend time doing whatever it is that I want, and then pick the shopping up on the way home. No one needs to know.
Cut down on the amount of small decisions that you have to make everyday and try to automate as much as you can, because while they seem small, if there are enough of them you’ll start feeling incredibly overwhelmed.
When you start to understand what your day looks like, where you’re at and where you need to be, you will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Waking up each day and knowing what needs to happen next, allows more mental space for yourself.
Manage stress through exercise
Yes, I dislike this as much as I’m sure most of you do, but it is necessary. As a mom I understand that many of you won’t have time to go to the gym or spend an hour a day working on your physique, but we have to start looking at this as something that we have to do, rather than what we’d like to do.
Making time for working out doesn’t have to be difficult either, in fact, it’s the easiest part. If you can put aside 20 minutes a day, you’re already winning.
I recently purchased a walking pad which I place in front of the TV in the evenings. This allows me to get my steps in while I watch my favourite TV show. It doesn’t have to be a trade off.
If the weather is nice, go for a brisk walk outside, the dog will love you for it. How about a 20 minute stretch and yoga session on those days that you feel especially exhausted and unmotivated?
If there’s a will there’s a way and the more you make a habit of doing small but frequent exercises, the more you’ll come to realise how much this impacts your mental well-being.
Meditate to calm your mind and stop overthinking
The only thing that you need for this is 10 minutes of your time and some quiet space. My mom-brain laughed at the idea of peace and quiet but it’s absolutely do-able.
At first I tried doing it first thing in the morning while my toddler was still asleep, but she’s an early bird and I didn’t fancy waking up at 5am. I tried and it’s just not for me.
Now, I do 10 minutes either while she goes for an afternoon nap or first thing after she goes down in the evenings. It’s not about having it scheduled at a specific time each day, it’s about recognising any available moment, when it suits you and your lifestyle.
Ideally, early mornings are best for meditation but sometimes we have to adapt to our circumstances. It sets the tone for your day and you’ll feel a lot more mentally prepared for the day ahead.
A calm mind makes you a lot more resilient and allows you to tackle daily challenges with minimal stress and panic.
My gorgeous friend, Michelle has an amazing morning routine toolkit that you can download for free! She also has loads of other self-care tools such as daily affirmations so be sure to check out her page for more.
It’s time for a Digital Detox
The following tip is a BIG one and probably one of my favourite stress management tools. When I start feeling overwhelmed, stressed or anxious, the first thing I do is step away from anything digital.
I find that I mostly feel like this while I’m working and all I need is 10 minutes of silence. I’ll walk away from the computer to go make a cup of coffee, open up my journal and write down how I’m feeling, practice gratitude, meditate, or take the dog for a walk.
A 10 minute digital detox does wonders for your mental well-being. Think of how many times a day your emotions are impacted while you’re doom scrolling through Instagram or TikTok.
You can go from happy and joyful the one minute to angry or sad the next. These extreme changes in your emotions only had to your stress and anxiety and will impact your mood without you realising it.
I’m not saying it’s all bad, but we need to disconnect from the digital world and make time to live in the real one.
Go outside and take a deep breath
You know that feeling when the walls start closing in on you? The kids are screaming, the dog is barking and jumping up and down the furniture, and your partner is trying to have a serious conversation at the most inconvenient time…
That’s when you chuck it in the f-it bucket and get out. And before you come at me, I don’t mean abandon your family and run away, I just mean go outside and get some fresh air, even if it’s just a walk around the block.
And take the kids, the dog and the hubby, it doesn’t matter because while it may still seem chaotic, it won’t feel as claustrophobic as being inside.
Fresh air will help to calm everyone down and allow for a bit of a reset. If you can go by yourself and you have a partner that can watch the kids, even better. Communication with your partner is vital and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with admitting that you need a minute to yourself.
Spend time doing something you love
What did you do before you had kids? Who were you, what drove you, what made you feel fulfilled? Try and get back to that.
You may not have as much free time as you did before becoming a parent, but it’s so important for you to hold on to the person that you used to be and have always wanted to be.
It could be as simple as reading books and colouring in or as extravagant as organising charity drives and spending some time traveling. If you struggle to find the time, maybe you can try to include your family.
If you loved traveling before, then why stop now? Sure, the experience may be slightly different now that you have a family, but it might be even better. Your circumstances have changed but that doesn’t mean that you have to stop doing what you love.
It’s like I always say, you have to adapt or die. That sounds dire, but you know what I mean… Life still needs to be lived and when you start giving up on the things that bring you joy, you’re living for others but no longer for yourself.
Similar to what I said before, this is more of a mindset shift than anything else. Just because your day to day has changed, just because you have other responsibilities and roles to play, it doesn’t mean that the life you knew before has to cease to exist.
I want my daughter to see my thirst for life, I want her to look at her mom and realise what it’s like to not only have dreams but to chase them too. I want to teach her how to live a fulfilled life, not to simply get by.
If you feel the same then I want you to think of one thing that you can do for yourself this week and then make a habit of doing it every week. Even if it’s only for an hour every other day.
So to summarize, you can’t pour from an empty cup. I’m sure you’ve heard the quote before and as simple as the concept seems, it’s one that we often overlook or neglect.
The message is simple. In order to look after others, you have to look after yourself first. Mental and physical well-being needs to be prioritised more and if you think that you don’t have the time, then with all due respect, you have to make the time.
I hope that you were able to take something of value from this and if you need a chat or you need an accountability buddy, I’m only a message away.