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It’s well know that temper tantrums tend to last between the ages of 1 – 3, but what do you do if you have a 4-year-old who has now only come into her prime tantrum phase? No seriously, can someone help me out here.
I have always advocated for gentle parenting, and I still do, but I’m at my wits end trying to understand how this method can be applied to a child that’s anything but gentle.
From screaming, to scratching, and the occasional hitting, temper tantrums have turned our fun planned family activities into absolute chaos.
Now, I’m not one to be embarrassed easily, but my daughter has managed to single-handedly make me want to crawl under a table. When she was younger it was easier to pick her up and carry her off, but now?! It’s like a wrestling match, and one that I very seldom win.
Embarrassment and chaos aside, it’s also managed to put immense pressure on my husband and I. We’re all about working together and finding constructive solutions, but nothing is more testing on a relationship than trying to raise a wild child together.
While he is always planning fun family activities, being hopeful that everything will be fine, I’m in the background trying to keep my anxiety at bay and already expecting the worst.
And don’t get me wrong, we do have our good days, it’s not all doom and gloom, but you just never know when the tantrum will strike.
We have tried time out, reasoning, ignoring bad behaviour, and taking away toys and privileges, but I’m not convinced that she fully understands what we’re trying to accomplish by punishing her.
She is quick to apologise, and promises never to do it again, but her take on forever seems to last only a few minutes.
I have read articles upon articles online, all going in the same direction of ignoring bad behaviour and implementing the punishment of your choice with the key point to remain consistent. But it seems we have consistently been getting it wrong for the past year because her temper tantrums only seem to be getting worse.
But my ranting aside, I’m trying to remain positive. I think it’s important to note that our daughter has a few developmental delays, one being her speech, and I’m fairly certain she has ADHD. I know they can’t test until they’re at least 6, but the early signs are there.
I’m also certain that the communication difficulties that we face are due to her lack of being able to focus and intently listen to us. So I am trying to be more gentle on her and myself, and constantly trying to find resources that are more appropriate to her specific needs.
In light of that, here are a few books that cover not only tantrums, but also understanding how children with ADHD navigate through their world. I’m currently reading, The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D, and I’ll be implementing the methods over the next few weeks to see if we can make any progress.
While I’m still working my way through this book, and working on my review, here are a few more recommendations and books that I’ll be adding to my TBR list:
- Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser – “Transforming the Difficult Child brings to life a new way of shifting intense children to a solid life of success. The Nurtured Heart Approach puts a refreshing spin on both parenting and teaching, and reveals new techniques and strategies that create thoroughly positive behaviors.”
- Reset Your Child’s Brain: A Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time by Victoria Dunckley – “Based on emerging scientific research and extensive clinical experience, integrative child psychiatrist Dr. Victoria Dunckley has pioneered a four-week program to treat the frequent underlying cause, Electronic Screen Syndrome (ESS)”
- The Out-Of-Sync Child: Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Processing Disorder by Carol Kranowitz – “The groundbreaking book that explains Sensory Processing Difference (SPD)–and presents a drug-free approach that offers hope for parents”
- 8 Keys to Parenting Children with ADHD by Cindy Goldrich – “This book, rich with optimism, tips, tools, and action plans, offers science-based insights and systems for parents to help cultivate these skills. Combining expert information with practical, sensitive advice, the eight “key” concepts here will help parents reduce chaos, improve cooperation, and nurture the advantages-like creativity and drive-that often accompany all of that energy.”
- Conquering Chronic Disorganization by Judith Kolberg – “Conquering Chronic Disorganization is filled with real-life stories of people who used simple, innovative, and fun organizing methods proven in the field to end clutter, mismanaged time and paper pileups in the home or office.”
As I work my way through the reading list and implementing the various strategies, I’ll be posting a few updates as well as my personal reviews. In the meantime, if anyone has any advise or who has been going through similar obstacles, please reach out as I would love to hear from you.